Sometimes when my female brain cannot sleep it spins into the flawed and star dazzled lands of romance and fallen dreams, sometimes lined with truth, though more often linking palms with the wild, better labeled “girly cotton candy” that at times we need in this world, at least in my opinion we do. ;P
Please forgive grammar and spelling errors, this is a rough draft…
– A window held open –
She looked at him, the moments stretching on… What would have been an awfully awkward space was somehow just a breath shared and in silence there was the smooth exchange of knowing that paced between them, a feeling that couldn’t be expressed, it simply was.
His eyes broke from hers, looking away and into a distance that only he could see.
She caught his arm as he turned to leave, wanting to explain… Somehow, but it was too hard…
“I can’t” finally the words fell from her lips clumsy and tangled. He stopped and glanced back at her, from over his shoulder. “I can’t…” She repeated the words more easily this time, “I can’t hurt you, I can’t be the one to cause you more pain.”
She let go her grasp upon his arm and turned away, running her fingers through her hair with an exasperated sigh before forcing herself to face him once more.
There were tears in her eyes now and he too had shifted his stance to hear her words.
“I’m such a mess…” She took a small step towards him and without thinking reached her hand up to his face to softly brush back a strand of his loose hair.
He caught her slender hand in his and held it gently; his hand cool, skin rough and somehow comforting.
There again, his eyes, those eyes that saw her in a way so few ever had, those eyes that bled pain she too had felt, a familiar ache of loss and loneliness, a knowing and now something more, something new, a hurt that she was causing him…
She twisted her hand free of his and stepped back, tears burning, blurring her vision and making her sway for a moment dizzy upon the long grass coated field with which they stood.
Stumbling she blinked the tears away, sweeping her hair back from her face; the wind beating against her now like her emotions, rapid, wild and grasping for… something…
Silence again stretched between them, long, lingering until finally he spoke, “did it ever occur to you that I too am just as much a mess as you are?” His words firm, asserting himself, correcting what jaded thought he guessed she must have, but she only stepped back once more, slowly shaking her head.
“You can’t just ignore this.” His words fell against her barriers as she locked eyes with him, so final was her body language, so in denial, so afraid, “you can’t…” He voiced again yet made no further move to stop her as tears falling down her cheeks she turned, hair whipping in the wind as she walked away across the bowing tops of the dusk coated grass and blue hued hills.
Nature giving away the hour in its most precious time of day and leaving the two wandering souls alone within the coming night.