Tag Archive | love

Arms Of Another 

When you touch my bare skin what do you feel? Is it the softness, bathed in gentle wafts of lavender and silk, or the dry hand of the sun from noon…

Do you smell the scent of summer upon the air when I walk by? Or the sweat of lust against my brow and cheek.

What do you see when you look into my eyes? Friend, beauty, lover?
And when you grasp my hand and lead me giggling about the room do you sense my heart beat, do you feel the flush upon my skin?

Are you with me in this moment when together we are twined about the moon. Or am I alone… whilst you look out unto the night, wandering in a world that I can never walk into.

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Shudder, Little Crow

“Shudder, Little Crow, you think that you know me but you don’t.
If you want to hold me you have to let me in.
There’s no place within my heart for maybe.
There’s no time in my life for perhaps, or we’ll see.”

“I’ll be waiting-” those are words she never said.
“Waiting is a game that I dare not play,
my heart is tired of shadows and dimly lit rooms…
Be the shadow within my heart and I’ll walk away from you.”

There’s nothing left but the pitter patter of rain against the roof.
He’s lost without you… Lost.
His life is black and white, monotone without reality or routine.

“I’m a bird upon the sea, I’ll stretch my wings and fly, your net cannot catch me.
I am the wild, I am the bear, the otter, the eagle proud, strong, un-shy.
I’ll not be weak with you, those eyes that wish to speak.”

“Wiliest I shudder at your touch?
You will not have my heart.
Because you will not give yours to me.”

The pinning of the crow as he circles a star fallen from some place far and out of reach.

Be like the water tumbling upon stone, ever moving.
Cup your hands and watch the mirror slide between your lips.
There’s nothing there but damp palms and tears unshed.
Long to wallow, long to wander among flowerbeds.
The wind a whisper, “just a whisper” so she said.

She is the silent mist upon the shore, let her go, let her go.
The world is turned and thoughts of her no more…
“Never more” cried the raven in the night.
“Never more”, as she vanished from his sight.

“What a world… Be it but a dream upon the horizon lost in sod and smoke.
The horizon tainted by the eclipse and the sea, oh that horizon that weeps with widows tears. Yes, the horizon… that is where I shall be.”

A fallen star, a fallen star, away, away, away. Let it be.

 

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A moment to remember

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Today would have been my dad’s 62nd birthday, it’s been almost 7 years and I still have moments when I want to pick up the phone and call him, for a second forgetting that he’s no longer here…

The best thing that I’ve heard in quite sometime in regards to dealing with loss was in an episode of Vampire Diaries, (yes I enjoy my Vampire Diaries thank you very much) when one of the characters says to another:

“Today isn’t the worst day of your life, today and tomorrow it’s a cake walk, there’ll be people around you day in and day out like they’re afraid to leave you alone, the worst day…that’s next week when there’s nothing but quiet…”

Truth, a terrible truth and it never ends, those moments when there is nothing but the silence around you and all you can think of is that person that is no longer there.

There are many survivors of loss, when you feel that silence and that alone, dead space, try to remember that you really are not alone though you may feel it.

When you can take a breath and tear yourself away from that distant and hollow reflection that is starring back at you from that still and glassy mirror, touch your heart and feel its beat. There are many like you out there, feeling lost and alone, reach out and know that you are loved, supported and like every other day, this day too will pass and you will be ok.

I speak about loss frequently! Because it’s hard and I too need these reminders when I’m having a bad day, so I share them with others in hopes that somehow perhaps I can give comfort, even if just for the time that it takes for you to read this.

Love and be loved, today, tomorrow and for always.

But now! Today is about celebration! Celebrating my awesome dad on his birthday. Raising a glass to you dad! Love you forever.

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Happy birthday daddy! We love you tons and miss you loads ❤

Human feelings hurt and that’s ok.

The pain of lost love is something that we are all familiar with, on many different levels, there are many different kinds and all of them hurt with a red hot sting… branding our hearts and leaving us scarred.

It never heals, nor does it ever go away. Not completely, we learn to deal, to cope, put it aside, lock it away, forget it until a rainy day when we are alone and all we can do is stare out that rain covered window and drift into memories of the past.

It’s no secret, we all pretend but the oh so human emotions are indeed always there, ever so often to peer at us and remind us that we are in fact human and it is ok to feel.

It isn’t easy to feel, feeling isn’t always nice, hardly pleasant! But it is there and sometimes we need to look at it to remember our vulnerability, to remember that once we loved and once we were loved in return.

When faced with a chance to feel love again sometimes the last thing we want to do is look at it… What if like before it leaves us? For whatever reason it escapes our grasp. Perhaps it wasn’t our fault, perhaps it had nothing what so ever to do with us, but it did leave us and now we have to look at it again and put trust into the hands of someone who could throw it away and then once more we’d feel that sting.

Can anyone truly say when to trust again, when to allow your palm to be grasped by another, when are you ready? Well if there was an answer to that someone would have a lot of money right now!

Eventually we must trust again, must reach out because that slightest glimmer of hope may be there, in the distance, cast in shadow and doubt but still there, lingering, waiting, watching until we open our palm once again.

To fall into our sorrow for always is soulfully sorrowful! A tragedy to the utmost! The chance of love of any kind is there, it is always there, we must hold a torch for it, must keep a shred of hope otherwise we are forever fumbling in a sort of deathly cloud that we allowed to fall onto our own head.

There is no one to blame any longer but ourselves. Yes someone hurt us and yes that was a truly terrible thing, but it happened and to hang onto it for all time is to neglect that part of you that deserves to feel love again.

Never cast out your heart to never be held. It is a crushing loss. No being deserves this. No being deserves the lonely confines of a soul forever wandering, oh so lost within the lonely, lingering night.

Yes, it is a deeply dramatic drama, soiled with puppy dog tears. Yes I did just say that and I would again in an instant. Because it is exactly that and more. You know, you’ve felt it.

So dare to feel it again, take steps to be the one that takes care of your own heart and dare to trust another to share that heart with. Do not be careless, or reckless but do dare, dare to love again.

In the end life is short. There is a time and place to grieve and there is a time and place to let go, step forward and trust.

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